I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
