so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize