he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
