just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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