My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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