Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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