I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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