Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
