My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
