She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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