Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
