Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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