We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
