I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
