he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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