we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
