You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
