my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize