just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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