Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
