maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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