i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So much rum. So many feels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
