My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
