I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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