I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize