Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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