4 words: hood of his car
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
