I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
soo... how was my night?
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