I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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