I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
