Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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