Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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