I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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