My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
