Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
