I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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