DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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