Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My penis needs a shock collar
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
