i think i have herpe
just one?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
