I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we made out on top of his cat.
if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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