i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
