hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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