My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
