is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
