she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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