I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
