I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
