The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
