she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
