Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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