shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
