we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
