i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
