do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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