All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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