i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
