thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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