I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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