ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
